Creeptober Night 16: Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things (1972)

Yesterday for Creeptober we watched a movie that was bad, but I love it anyway. Tonight’s movie is one that I’ve seen many people say bad things about, but I disagree with them. The movie we’re watching tonight is Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things, and it’s a good movie that just isn’t going to fit everyone’s taste (I mean, what movie does?).

Reacting to Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things

Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things is a zombie movie written and directed by Benjamin Clark, aka Bob Clark, the director of Black Christmas (1974), Porky’s (1981), and A Christmas Story (1983). With a resume like that, you’d might expect Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things to be a horror comedy. It is. Sort of. This movie is a dark comedy for the first two-thirds, and then it’s a full-fledged zombie horror movie in the end. It’s a movie that is structured around building up slowly and steadily towards a big finale, and what a finale!

I think Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things is awesome, but I can understand why some people don’t like it. Humor is subjective, and if you’re not a fan of sarcastic quips, you’re probably not going to be able to get into this movie. For about an hour, Alan and his theater troupe throw barbs at each other as he orders them around and tries to raise the dead. I think the dialogue is clever and humorous, but I’ve seen critics refer to it as “boring” and “leaden” among other descriptors. To each their own I guess. I like it.

I also like the fact that a lot of the acting in the movie, especially Alan’s, is over the top. It’s very theatrical with big monologues, perfectly timed retorts, and wordplay that is too precise for most real people to come up with on the spot. Everyone is like that in this movie, and to some viewers that might feel unrealistic. I think it works though, because most of the characters are actors in Alan’s theatrical production. They’re uncomfortable, and they’re relying on their acting skills to put up a positive front so they don’t incur the wrath of Alan and get fired.

Also, while it’s true that Alan isn’t one of the actors in the group, he is a director with delusions of grandeur. So, it makes sense that he would be the most stereotypically theatrical of the bunch. He’s always putting on a show, and in his few moments of true anger he’s speechless. He’s also speechless when he’s terrified, which is so satisfying to see.

The dialogue-heavy portion of the movie also establishes Alan as a vile and irredeemable jerk. He’s mean for no reason. His humor is always at the expense of others. He has no compunctions about hurting anyone or defiling corpses. He blackmails people. The list goes on. Many horror movies set up at least one member of the main group as someone viewers want to see get killed, but Alan is an elite-level scumbag.

Then, when the dead start to rise, the intensity picks up incredibly quickly. As everyone else enters survival mode, Alan basically freezes. No more quips, no more grandstanding. Nothing. He’s useless. He’s actually worse than useless, because when the zombies break into the house, Alan pushes Anya down the stairs and into the zombie horde. My absolute favorite part of the movie is the moment when the zombies pause for a second and look up at Alan after he pushes Anya. It’s like they’re all thinking “what the hell?” Even the undead can’t believe that Alan would be that much of a selfish, no-good, brazenly vile piece of trash.

Speaking of the zombies though, I adore how they’re portrayed in this movie. Some of the makeup isn’t great, sure, but what I’m talking about is how dangerous they feel. Whenever they get close to anyone they swarm with speed and ferocity. Terry getting pulled out of the house so violently is legitimately frightening. It’s tense when the survivors go out to the front of the house to distract the zombies and they’re immediately surrounded. The zombies in Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things are some of my favorite movie zombies.

I also enjoy the quiet ending as the zombies shamble aboard Alan’s boat and set it loose, presumably drifting toward the shore of the city seen in the background. It reminds me of the zombie on the boat in Lucio Fulci’s Zombie, though Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things precedes that movie by seven years.

What I also love about this movie is that it came out just a few years after Night of the Living Dead (1968), and the zombies in Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things feel like a progression towards something more rotten and immediately dangerous than Romero’s ghouls. I do think Night of the Living Dead is a much better movie. It’s one of the best zombie movies ever. But the horror in that film is more oppressive. The horror in Dead Things feels more adrenaline-based. I’ve seen people call Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things a rip-off of Night of the Living Dead, but I prefer to think of them as perfect companions. Two sides of the same rotten coin.